dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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