i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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