It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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