no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Oh god it's open bar.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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