So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
this just has baby written all over it
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
