id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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