Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
