Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We left an ass print on the piano.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
