If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
