i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
