maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
