Im at strip club and am horny
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
