god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Say something about gay babies.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
