he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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