I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
