You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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