She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
