I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
