we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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