When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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