so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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