Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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