Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
