She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
