Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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