im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
