I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
