I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
