I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize