Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
