I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
