So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
