i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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