I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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