You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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