I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
