I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
