Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
