I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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