WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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