There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
