The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
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