I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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