when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
