I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
