Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
