I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
