i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
