So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
