Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
