Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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