Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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