you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
