i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
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