Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
